Thursday, March 18, 2010

Am I griping?


Not that I want to be a griper, because I don't.  But I think I was spoiled for so long, didn't realize it, and now miss the greatness that I had.  So, I'm going to gripe a bit.

And let me be clear, what I am about to say does not represent regret for what is happening in my life.  It is just an observation that I miss what once was.

Yes, I'm talking about the opporunity I had for over 10 years to stay home and not work.  My focus was here:  

And here:

And I loved that! 

It kept my plate full! 

It gave me the opportunity to do it right.  But I was not always successful.  I didn't always keep the house clean and serve perfect meals and make family life peaceful and ideal and exciting in a fun way. 

But I always had the time to fix my failures.  I always had the opportunity to try again.

Now, with a full time job (that I do enjoy by the way), I don't have the opportunity for "do overs" around the house, with the meals, or folding laundry, or creating relaxation opportunities at home.

I need "do overs!"  Because I mess up a lot.  I don't get the meal planning done, or if I planned, I don't execute well.  I clean the house, but then fail to maintain that status of clean more than a few hours - often meaning that poor Andy doesn't get to notice the clean I had achieved. 

Frustration sets in because clean is important to Andy's peace of mind, and Andy's peace of mind is important to me.  But if he doesn't see the clean, he doesn't get the peace of mind, and I feel like my efforts were completely wasted.

Oh yeah, I'm griping.

Not that I expect a change of circumstances. In fact, I'm not sure I really want a change in circumstances. My job is a good one. It is with a worthy ministry. It is enjoyable. And most importantly, the income and insurance are providing my husband with a resource that is needed at this time.

I am doing what my husband thinks is best. I am submitting to his authority. And I am doing so without resentment. I don't question his decision in this area. I agree that this is the best solution we've had to a challenge that was dragging on and on for us. I know this is right.

So, what am I going to do about this griping?


That's what I'm going to do about it.

So what am I praying for? 

 A heart that submits to God's plan. 

A heart that accepts these circumstances.

A heart that sees the blessings in what life looks like now.

A heart that does not make an idol out of what once was.

A heart that seeks to glorify God in these circumstances.

A heart that sees that God is glorified in these circumstances

Have a good day!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Spring Light

I can tell spring is almost here because of the afternoon light - it is changed:

And a Project:

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Early spring photos

I went for a walk last weekend.

I took my camera with me.
This photos makes me ask:  How did that happen?
This one show the most spring of the morning - melting snow!
Our neighbor died a couple of years ago, and his fence is getting really run down now that the property is unoccupied.  I wish someone would buy the property and maintain it.
The blue of the skies here is amazing!  The cottonwoods against the blue field is beautiful - at least to me it is.
This is my driveway.  There is a dog leg turn to the left up near the barn, that goes to through the gate and to the house.  I realized that we really have a pretty cool driveway - well, really, it's not ours, it's an easement right we have over our neighbor's road.  How complicated some of these things can get.  Still, when I turn up this driveway I know I'm home.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Oh No! OOOOooo! OOOOooo! Bad Words Everywhere!

J's school is taking up Ultimate - the disc game.  The 6th - 12th grades are playing competetively.  They will play against other schools around the state.  And the younger kids like J are watching closely and being inspired.  So, this weekend we purchased a new disc.  Very fun!

I learned something new.  My handsome husband played Ultimate in college.  I'm not surprised, but I just didn't know that.

So, funny story:  Yesterday my boy spilled something at the office and I heard the following:  "Oh No!  OOOOooo! OOOOooo!  Bad words everywhere!"

Made me laugh!  He doesn't swear, which I am so glad of.  But that phrase "Bad words everywhere" cracks me up!  So cute!  And frankly, I think I can live with that as an outburst from him.
(Are you noticing my handsome husband's great Ultimate skills, even with a hip that is in need of replacing?  I'm noticing!)

Speaking of those funny little kid things, I have to tell you about J and belly dancing! 
(Oh, yes, that is my boy catching that disc - so casual about it, isn't he!)

 This guy heard that term on T.V. tonight - I think someone on the Biggest Loser said something about wanting to be able to belly dance.  J said "Ha!  That's easy!"  Then he threw himself on the floor, belly down, and riggled around like a fish out of water.  That, my dear blog readers, is his idea of what it is to belly dance.  Isn't the innocence of youth so wonderful! 

I laughed.

A quick prayer request:  My handsome husband is tired.  Just happens when you work as hard as he does and deal with chronic pain as he does.  But he needs some rest.  Could you pray for that opportunity to come to him - please.

Have a great rest of the week!

Friday, March 5, 2010

I'm Dreaming of . . .

So many things I'm dreaming of these days.  Seems like the list could be endless, but I'm going to share at least a portion of it.  Here it goes:
  • A clean house.  Yep, if you saw my post on excellence a few posts ago, you might remember that getting my house clean was high on my list of being required to achieve excellence in my life.  And this is the weekend set aside for cleaning.  I started when I got home from work tonight and now there is actually one completely spotless room in my house - the bathroom.  Even washed the log walls!  Now, just two more bathrooms, six bedrooms, two livingrooms, one kitchen, one scrapbooking/craft room, two stairwells, a dinning room and two hallways to go.
  • Doing more scrapbooking and other crafts.  The scrapbook store in town closed a year ago this month, and a new one, with the same owner plus two more partners is opening up later this month.  So hopefully I'll have my life in order so that I can do more of this:
  • I dream of teaching scrapbooking again because I miss it!  I've been asked to put together some class proposals - and not just pages, but projects.  It will take hours to clean my room well enough to make good use of it, so I doubt I'll get anything done this weekend.  But, it is coming!
  •  I dream of completed taxes.  I was supposed to finish them last weekend, but it didn't happen.  I did make substantial progress, but there is more to do.  I had to leave the project behind and do law office billing this week, so once the house is clean I will finish that up.
  • I dream of organization.  I'm craving it right now!  I need it!  My job requires it.  My family needs it.  It will allow me to go forward with so many other dreams.  It will create an environment of productivity and the opportunity for fun!
  • I dream of spring!  It always happens this time of year.  With the month of March will come the Sandhill Cranes, melting snow, thunder storms, snow flurries, green grass by the end of the month, light mornings and enough light in the evenings to walk after work, and lots and lots and lots of mud.  Ah, spring!
  • I dream of eating clean.  I love to eat clean, but it requires me to be organized (see dream above) and so I haven't done as well at it as I would like.  But I am looking forward to cooking well and eating well as I have less clutter around me and the time to take a deep breath.
  • I dream of being caught up on finances.  And with my new job it is in our grasp.  It will take a few months and good discipline and planning, but the opportunity to do this right is here.  My courageous and hard working husband is making it work at his office without much of my support, and I am helping to relieve some of the money burdens with my job.  That leaves room for him to implement his financial plans and for us to accomplish our goals of being out of debt in the foreseeable future.  Wow!  It's huge!  It's hopeful!  It's encouraging!  It's a light at the end of a tunnel that just didn't seem to ever end.  Even just four months ago it seemed the tunnel would go on for at least a decade or more, but now it will be under two years.  Praise God!
  • And right now, I dream of going to bed.  Of putting my head on my pillow.  Of snuggling into the curve of my husband's warm body.  Of being warm and peaceful and well rested!
With that, I say good night and sweet dreams to all!

Monday, March 1, 2010

March 1 . . . And the Prayers are flying!

It is amazing to me that it is already March.  And yet is seems like such a long time in coming.  The winter has been long.  I'm looking forward to the return of Sandhill Cranes and other signs of spring!

This year we never got the mid-January to early February snow melt - haven't seen the brown-grey grasses of the field since October.  Well, except where Andy plowed a running path for himself. 

Right now the snow still covers everything, but today when I got home the driveway was under about 3-4 inches of water in many places - that snow is melting fast!  This is not so good for the shoes when I get out of the car to open the gate. 

Heck, even Leo won't leave the driveway pad - he just sits on the concrete and waits for me to get to him.  He doesn't want to sink into the mud.  That crazy dog can be pretty smart sometimes.  But, then again, you may have read some of my stories about him in the past, so you might not believe any claims that he is smart.
That boy with the white hood and the huge smile is mine.  I love him so.  Who can resist that beautiful smile and those eyes of joy?

He's in pretty big trouble right now.  Responsibilty.  Motivation.  Working up to his potential.  Sassy mouth.  Poor judgement.  All of these are issues.  I don't know, is this normal for a 10 year old?

In context, he also has wonderful characteristics of faith, kindness, lovingness, humor, caring for others, giving nature, being a great friend, thoughtful, and able to use his brain to assess and understand situations if he wants to. 

With all that in his favor, why does he struggle so?  Why does he take his parents to the edge of insanity with his lack of effort to do well? 

We ask ourselves questions like "Are we just bad parents?"  "What did we miss along the way so that he didn't learn to care about doing well in school and chores?"  Its becoming a bit of an identy crisis for me.  How did I become the mother of a lazy child?

Sometimes I try to console myself with the dream (delusion really) that because we are dealing with these issues now at 10 years old, and if we do it well, we will avoid much of the intensity of the teenage years.  Other times I have the nightmare that this is only the beginning.  And that brings me to the brink of tears.  Literally!
What it needs to do is bring me to my knees. 
  • I pray for him to come to his senses. 
  • I pray for me to be able to avoid yelling. 
  • I pray for him to have a desire for excellence for excellence sake. 
  • I pray for him to mature into the ability to focus - soon! 
  • I pray for grace for my mistakes. 
  • I pray that the slips in my words won't have a lasting impact on him. 
  • I pray to find what it is that motivates this child.
  • I pray for a sense of humor about this whole situation. 
  • I pray for wisdom to make decisions that will provide him the guidence he needs.
  • I pray to break him of his rebellious and lazy habits without crushing his beautiful spirit.
  • I pray for endurance in this battle of wills.
  • I pray that all of my boy's issues will be revealed so his father and I can be purposeful andproactive parents to addresses the issues.
  • I pray that we will have the strength and fortitude to stand up and be counted as parents on these issues. 
  • I thank God that Andy and I are on the same page (for the most part) regarding the need to address these issues.
  • I thank God that I have this beautiful child, but I confess I don't feel up to the challenge some days. 
  • So, I pray not to be overwhelmed. 
  • I pray not to give up!
  • I pray to be rejuvinated daily so I can be the parent God has called me to be.
And, I understand at this moment how God's decision to give us infertility issues so that we only have one child was perhaps one of the wisest moves.  I would love more children, but it is clear, I have my hands full with just one.  God knew what he was doing!