March 1 . . . And the Prayers are flying!

It is amazing to me that it is already March.  And yet is seems like such a long time in coming.  The winter has been long.  I'm looking forward to the return of Sandhill Cranes and other signs of spring!

This year we never got the mid-January to early February snow melt - haven't seen the brown-grey grasses of the field since October.  Well, except where Andy plowed a running path for himself. 

Right now the snow still covers everything, but today when I got home the driveway was under about 3-4 inches of water in many places - that snow is melting fast!  This is not so good for the shoes when I get out of the car to open the gate. 

Heck, even Leo won't leave the driveway pad - he just sits on the concrete and waits for me to get to him.  He doesn't want to sink into the mud.  That crazy dog can be pretty smart sometimes.  But, then again, you may have read some of my stories about him in the past, so you might not believe any claims that he is smart.

That boy with the white hood and the huge smile is mine.  I love him so.  Who can resist that beautiful smile and those eyes of joy?

He's in pretty big trouble right now.  Responsibilty.  Motivation.  Working up to his potential.  Sassy mouth.  Poor judgement.  All of these are issues.  I don't know, is this normal for a 10 year old?

In context, he also has wonderful characteristics of faith, kindness, lovingness, humor, caring for others, giving nature, being a great friend, thoughtful, and able to use his brain to assess and understand situations if he wants to. 

With all that in his favor, why does he struggle so?  Why does he take his parents to the edge of insanity with his lack of effort to do well? 

We ask ourselves questions like "Are we just bad parents?"  "What did we miss along the way so that he didn't learn to care about doing well in school and chores?"  Its becoming a bit of an identy crisis for me.  How did I become the mother of a lazy child?

Sometimes I try to console myself with the dream (delusion really) that because we are dealing with these issues now at 10 years old, and if we do it well, we will avoid much of the intensity of the teenage years.  Other times I have the nightmare that this is only the beginning.  And that brings me to the brink of tears.  Literally!
What it needs to do is bring me to my knees. 

• I pray for him to come to his senses. 
• I pray for me to be able to avoid yelling. 
• I pray for him to have a desire for excellence for excellence sake. 
• I pray for him to mature into the ability to focus - soon! 
• I pray for grace for my mistakes. 
• I pray that the slips in my words won't have a lasting impact on him. 
• I pray to find what it is that motivates this child.
• I pray for a sense of humor about this whole situation. 
• I pray for wisdom to make decisions that will provide him the guidence he needs.
• I pray to break him of his rebellious and lazy habits without crushing his beautiful spirit.
• I pray for endurance in this battle of wills.
• I pray that all of my boy's issues will be revealed so his father and I can be purposeful andproactive parents to addresses the issues.
• I pray that we will have the strength and fortitude to stand up and be counted as parents on these issues. 
• I thank God that Andy and I are on the same page (for the most part) regarding the need to address these issues.
• I thank God that I have this beautiful child, but I confess I don't feel up to the challenge some days. 
• So, I pray not to be overwhelmed. 
• I pray not to give up!
• I pray to be rejuvinated daily so I can be the parent God has called me to be.

And, I understand at this moment how God's decision to give us infertility issues so that we only have one child was perhaps one of the wisest moves.  I would love more children, but it is clear, I have my hands full with just one.  God knew what he was doing!