Am I griping?

Probably. 

Not that I want to be a griper, because I don't.  But I think I was spoiled for so long, didn't realize it, and now miss the greatness that I had.  So, I'm going to gripe a bit.

And let me be clear, what I am about to say does not represent regret for what is happening in my life.  It is just an observation that I miss what once was.

Yes, I'm talking about the opporunity I had for over 10 years to stay home and not work.  My focus was here:  

And here:

And I loved that! 

It kept my plate full! 

It gave me the opportunity to do it right.  But I was not always successful.  I didn't always keep the house clean and serve perfect meals and make family life peaceful and ideal and exciting in a fun way. 

But I always had the time to fix my failures.  I always had the opportunity to try again.

Now, with a full time job (that I do enjoy by the way), I don't have the opportunity for "do overs" around the house, with the meals, or folding laundry, or creating relaxation opportunities at home.

I need "do overs!"  Because I mess up a lot.  I don't get the meal planning done, or if I planned, I don't execute well.  I clean the house, but then fail to maintain that status of clean more than a few hours - often meaning that poor Andy doesn't get to notice the clean I had achieved. 

Frustration sets in because clean is important to Andy's peace of mind, and Andy's peace of mind is important to me.  But if he doesn't see the clean, he doesn't get the peace of mind, and I feel like my efforts were completely wasted.

Oh yeah, I'm griping.

Not that I expect a change of circumstances. In fact, I'm not sure I really want a change in circumstances. My job is a good one. It is with a worthy ministry. It is enjoyable. And most importantly, the income and insurance are providing my husband with a resource that is needed at this time.

I am doing what my husband thinks is best. I am submitting to his authority. And I am doing so without resentment. I don't question his decision in this area. I agree that this is the best solution we've had to a challenge that was dragging on and on for us. I know this is right.

So, what am I going to do about this griping?

Pray. 

That's what I'm going to do about it.

So what am I praying for? 

 A heart that submits to God's plan. 

A heart that accepts these circumstances.

A heart that sees the blessings in what life looks like now.

A heart that does not make an idol out of what once was.

A heart that seeks to glorify God in these circumstances.

A heart that sees that God is glorified in these circumstances

Have a good day!