Went for a walk in the rain

and saw this: I know the photo isn't the greatest quality as I was in a hurry before she ran away, there was rain, which makes it look grainy, and I'm still trying to learn to edit photos that were shot in the raw - it's all guess work at this point, but I may have a good book to help me get better. She really was not shy about my approach, and I was thrilled to just watch her for a few minutes.

I'm going to sprinkle this post with some photos that make me happy while I address the concerns I've heard expressed about my depression. That way it's not a post of words, and I get to share some things that I love. Once in awhile I may even comment on the photos.

Thank you to all of you who have expressed concern about me. I'm doing better. I've got more energy, and most importantly, I don't feel the heavy pressure of darkness on me any more. I recognize that I'll be a bit vulnerable to set backs, so I'm very motivated to do the things I know I need to do to continue improving and prevent a down turn.

I suspect that this event was a combination of stressful events and peri-menopausal hormonal instability. (Oh, sorry if that is TMI for some of you!) I will be charting to keep track of whether this becomes a cyclical thing. I'm hoping not because my experience with hormone based medications in the past (treating endometriosis) is that hormone therapy causes seizures for me, and that is not something I am willing to revisit - EVER!!! Thus, I'm not really open to the idea of hormone therapy to help me get through the peri-menopausal issues - and neither is my doctor. In fact, my doctor is very informed and aware of the issues I face and she agrees with me that it is much too risky to try any sort of hormone therapy.

I'm doing a lot to address the issue of depression. I am! And see I can even give it the proper name! I'm exercising, I'm making a point to put in a funny DVD that makes me laugh daily (my goal is 10 minutes of good heavy laughter daily.) Its interesting about the laughter, because on Saturday I saw a portion of an Anita Renfro act, and while I thought it was good, it really didn't elicit any laughter from me. Last night I saw the same clip and more, and had tears in my eyes from all the laughter. I'm taking that as a good sign that Monday night was much improved over Saturday evening. It was amazing, and it felt so good to laugh yesterday!

This photos means a lot to me because I know this man's story. It's not my story to tell you, but I know if you knew where he'd been in life and where he is now it would bring a tear of joy to your eyes! He's a member at our church, and this photo was taken on an outing with many families from church.

I'm talking a great deal with my husband about this depression and how to deal with it. (I'm not the type to keep a struggle like this to myself). I have slept much better the last three nights and that really makes a difference. I no longer have that numb feeling of being zombie-like. In fact, my normal-for-me passion to get things done and have an opinion as to how they should be done is starting to kick in (look out world, I'm going to be trying to take over again). And if I'm not totally myself (and I mean 100%) in another two weeks I'll be seeing the doctor. End of story. Yes, I have the self discipline to make that happen, and frankly, I'm too selfish to allow myself to suffer any longer than that - not that it feels like suffering anymore.

But, right now I am very encouraged by how I feel. There has been improvement daily since Friday evening, and huge steps of improvement in the past 36 hours. That's not to say there aren't moment when I wonder, but really, as a generally matter things are so much better. The short cycle of this is what makes me suspect that hormones are a significant factor here.

Yesterday was pretty productive for me. Some cleaning around the house, some office work, all the errands I needed to get done got done (grocery shopping, post office, stop at the court to file some documents for the office, and a couple of little dinky errands as well). That felt so great! Especially that I got the office work done, because that is often the first place I will fail if life is getting a little out of control.

I also topped off the day working on Christmas cards. Now all the pieces are cut, and I've used my new Martha Stewart boarder punch on all the pieces that need it. Tonight I'll be inking/distressing edges, and hopefully on Wednesday night I'll put the suckers together and be done with that! Yeah! Really, very exciting to me.

Also exciting yesterday was the arrival of my Studio Calico kit. It is so cool as usual, and I can't wait to get to work on it. I'm hopeful that I'll have time to work on it this weekend, if not before!

So, I'm off to exercise and get some more stuff done.